I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think my vagina is haunted
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize