I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
is it fun? or sober?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
