The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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