My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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