So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
