In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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