I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
