there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
