i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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