Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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