dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
