Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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