i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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