I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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