Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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