Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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