tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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