but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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