Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
