HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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