Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize