I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
