home. puking in laundry basket.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
