i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..