i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?