In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
