You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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