my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.