I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard