she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.