im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.