I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
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You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.