I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
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$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.