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I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
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