i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye