Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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