A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize