YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
