Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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