Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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