I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
