Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
