i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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