I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize