Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
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Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.