Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.