Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe