dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.