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All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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