Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.