Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD