When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I won't apologize to a one balled man
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now