So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
