I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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