Pappa wants mamma naked
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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