this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
