Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
