you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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