Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
