We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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