Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize