So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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