I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
