I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
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we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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