There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Drunk is not a location!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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